Its been awhile since I posted.  Usually I like to post about the strange and funny things that have happened in my life... but now... I'm just posting about the strange.

My friends and I have been beset by a vicious set of rumormongers and hatesmiths that are out to destroy the reputation of a friend of ours (and by association, us as well) through texts, emails, blogs and malicious gossip.  Its incredible how much time and effort is put into this meaningless pastime... the poor person has done nothing except work hard and try his/her best in her field.  We have done nothing as well except to do the same.  What have we done to deserve this?  NOTHING.

These people have taken the time and effort to not only harass this friend constantly... but also take into account the people he/she associates with and actively destroy their good names as well.  I myself have been troubled with this... they have gotten hand of my mobile number and are texting and/or calling me day and night... first spreading rumors with my name on it... then taking on cruder aspects such as name-calling and verbal (well textual) browbeating.  I personally don't really mind it... I just find it curious that there are people out there without much to do except take stock of others' lives and base their own success thru the active destruction of our own achievements.

For me it boils down to a deeper problem with society... there are too many idle hands out there with a total lack of morals and education.  Why is it when we see one get ahead because of their own merit... they must be pulled down?  Why can't we all support each other and cooperate to make this person (and in some small respect, ourselves) succeed and create a better world?  We as human beings must get past this small-mindedness and help each other.  Does no one understand that by helping others, we help ourselves?  Each personal achievement adds to the global pool of success and furthers humanity as a whole.

I'm a futurist.  I've come to terms with that fact.  I think in terms of years and decades... not hours, days or weeks.  Actually that stunts me in some ways since I find myself unable to discern the problems of the now in order to get to the future... but regardless I find that I see things that will happen and how.  I foresee that the world today... based on its current model of competition and self-preservation, will fail soon enough.  The effects of it are already being felt.  Too many selfish thinkers that destroy the environment... abuse the people and work only for profit are the reasons why prices are high and resources are scarce.  It's only bound to get worse unless we learn to work together.  That means that our civilization as a whole needs to rethink its core philosophies.

What we need is to go back to the old rules of cooperation, respect, honor and trust.  Use these values to affect our fellows and to coexist with our world.  Our forebears understood this... why can't we?  Tweak these old rules to conform to the present situation... make the idea grow and adapt to these new times.  I can see that it is a real posssibility and it could ultimately save the human race.

But what does this have to do with our predicament?  Everything it seems... if we can't discipline ourselves with the small things... like refraining from spreading rumors, to littering, to not respecting our elders... what more when the major concerns come in?  Protect the forests when there's money to be made?  Destroy reputations to make your own so much better?  So many big things are the product of small things.

Its time to change.  I may see the future but I know that it can only change if we begin now.  Let's start playing nice... and to whoever's doing this... know that it's not changing my life.  It's only making it slightly more interesting.  So thanks for the fun!

Besides, in the end... it won't matter. And... that's all that matters.

*shrug*

A story from my early fashion production days...

Once upon a time, I was with Ogee and Robert... and a buncha models in the fair isle of Marinduque.  We were stuck there for a week or so for a show of some sort... the details escape me... but the stories from that trip will never fade.

One night I was sitting on the beach and contemplating life when I see a figure stumble out of the darkness.  As it got closer I realized it was one of our makeup artists and he was cut, scratched and bleeding.  I was like... WTF?!?  What the hell happened to you?!?  After asking for a bottle of alcohol he relates his lovely tale...

So yes it was a boring night and he decided to amuse himself with a stroll in the dark with another makeup artist.  As they were walking down the beach they spot this strapping young man walking up to them and as they get together... words are exchanged... and the other makeup artist retires with the stud to a nearby abandoned hut for some loving.  Clearly miffed, our hero(ine?) decides to not miss out on the fun and searches the hut's walls for an opening so he can practice a little voyeurism.  Apparently the thought of doing this in pitch darkness did not occur to him... so whilst searching he falls into a ditch beside the hut... stumbles over... crashes through the thin plywood wall and ends up face to face with the boy's dick.  As all parties are clearly taken aback... he saves the day by grabbing the manmember and shouting... "Mic test ... MIC TEST... ONE TWO THREE!!!"

Yes... that was a really good save... and I had to take another shower after rolling around in the sand while busting my gut for a good ten minutes.

Something I just have to write down for posterity... random screwups by the crew of the Space Academy.  Ya know how you want to say something but for some reason or other... it just comes out wrong?  Well here are a few excepts.  And yes I'm naming names!

1. SPACE GAMES by Tei Allison
She was in an internet cafe trying to fix her online life when a bunch of rowdy kids were screaming and running around while playing Starcraft.  So she gets up and tells them... "Excuse me... I'm trying to work here... can you be quiet while you play your SPACE GAMES?"

2. NORWEGIA by Maite Matute
Read my past blogs for this one. hahahaha!

3. JUICE OF THE COCONUT by Omar Ermita
Again read my past blogs for this one. :D

4.  CHICKEN MANOK by Ria Gamboa
"Wesley!  I'm HUNGREEE!!!"  I want... I want... what do you call that roasted... its like the... CHICKEN MANOK?"  LECHON MANOK!  Wahahaha

5. "WALK THIS WAY" by Maike Evers
Maike was trying to hum "Walk this Way" by Run D.M.C. for a game of cranium.  The deal was she had to make her partner (her ex and a guitarist lol) guess the name of the song.  All we got was a strange rendition of Mmmmmm by the Crash Test Dummies.

6. WATCH YOUR STEPS by Raffy Tesoro
I saw this sign on a staircase that said "Watch Your Steps"... I was laughing so hard I tripped on the stairs... Karma.  My Name is Earl.

7.  SAILING THING by Wesley Villarica
Hey Wes... what's a Hobiecat?  Oh... its a... its a... its a sailing thing.  Nice.

8.  PULUUBEEEH by Ogee Atos
Ogee got so wasted one time that he was being dragged across Roxas Boulevard by two friends.  While this was happening, a young beggar comes up to him and asks for money.  So what Ogee does... oh man... he puts his face as close up to the girl's as he can... screws up his face in the worst way possible and screams... "PUUULUUUUBEEEEH!!!"

I think that poor beggar girl is still rocking herself to sleep to this day.

9.  THIS IS MY TOWN! by Maite Matute
So we were stuck in traffic at Bicutan while trying to get to Alabang for a show.  While we were crawling along... Maite pops up and sez... "why don't we take the skyway!"  I found that really weird since I know it ends at Bicutan... but she was so insistent... she was like... "DUDE... this is MY town.  I know where I'm going."  So we take the skyway... and lo and behold!  NO TRAFFIC!  Unfortunately we were going in the opposite direction...

And here we are... part of the reason why we should be committed to an asylum.  Welcome to my zoo!

Instructions: Each player starts with seven random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. At the end of your blog, you need to choose seven people to get tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying that they’ve been tagged and to read your blog!

1.)   I am an incredible klutz and I have accelerated healing to make up for it.

2.)   Surrounded by beauty but for some reason or other can never partake of it.

3.)   I can smoke cigarettes with my nose.

4.)   I have done the following stupid things: Set fire to a typewriter, blew up a computer, nuked my entire neighborhood with a cloud of hydrochloric acid, walked in on a fornicating Indian couple, got left behind at the Great Wall of China aaaand passed up sex with hot chicks because I R a tard.

5.)   Over the counter pharmaceuticals have little to no effect on me.  That includes ordinary painkillers, antipyretics and the like.

6.)   Had my stomach pumped due to overeating.  When in Rome... well okay I wasn't being Roman.

7.)   I used to torture insects by sticking them in electric bugbombs with the power off... then when its full of em I turn on the juice and watched them burn.

I tag Maike, Karen, Jay, Wes, Dante, Paul and Fred!  Cough em up folks!

Well... I can't exactly put the weekend in any single category... so many strange things were happening and wasn't really mentally recording how it went.  But in a nutshell, the following things happened to me:

- Did two shoots for two mens' mags in one day (not recommended).
- Limping around with a cane and a sore ankle... might be gout who the hell knows...
- Threw around a ton of water for 4 hours in a glass tank (I blame Wesley).
- Threw around half a gallon of water into a random chick's kootchie in aforementioned glass tank ( I dunno if you can drown that way but hey... whatta way to go.)
- Cut up my fingers on something.  Healing factor is kicking in.
- Ate waaay too much Japanese food ( 2 bowls of chirashi sushi and a beef curry with rice.  Oh and miso soup.) at midnight after forgetting to eat or drink for over twenty four hours.
- Tried to tie down a spastic model on half a gram of nose candy. (also not recommended)
- Did a may parade and got ambushed with mass.  Bah.
- Resisted the urge to fuck around with friends.  Don't screw the crew.
- Wheeling and dealing for a show in June.
- Tried drinking and failing miserably until 6am.  I'm an expensive drunk.  Dammit.
- Making clothes for two different lines.
- Planning concepts for three shoots.
- Got smacked on the legs with a rattan stick.
- feelin happy fer Wes' good fortune.  Hope ya get that gig bro!

Hrrrmmm... yep that's pretty much all of it.  I'm sure there's a detail missing here and there... but gah it works out somehow.  Life is good with all its ups and downs. :)

Ah hell... gonna try this and see if I'm actually worth something... so here goes...

Here's the deal. You look over the
following list and see how many of
these things you have done. BUT you
have to ADD up the money amount along
the way. Then post the amount that you
are as the title of the bulletin. PS,
the Bigger the amount the BETTER! hahahaha!!

1. Had sex: $6.00
2. Smoked: $5.00
3. Got drunk: $5.00
4. Went skinny dipping: $3.00
5. Kissed someone of the opposite sex:$4.00
6. Kissed someone of the same sex:$4.00
7. Cheated: $2.00
8. Fell asleep in class: $0.50
9. Been expelled: $5.00
10. Been in a fist fight: $3.00
11. Given oral: $5.00
12. Got oral: $5.00
13. Prank called the cops: $3.00
14. Stole something: $2.00
15. Done drugs: $5.00
16. Dyed your hair: $0.50
17. Done something with someone older (like a few years): $3.00
18. Went out with someone OVER 18 (if your under 18): $4.00
19. Ate a whole thing of oreos: $0.50
20. Cried yourself to sleep: $1.00
21. Said you love someone but didnt mean it: $1.00
22. Been in love: $4.00
23. Got caught doing something that you shouldnt have been doing: $1.00
24. Went streaking: $4.00
25. Got arrested: $5.00
26. Madeout with someone at the movies: $2.00
27. Peed in the pool: $0.50
28. Played spin the bottle: $1.00
29. Done something you regret: $3.00

Yep. I have come to this conclusion. Men have won the battle of the sexes. They have successfully kept their women from organizing themselves into a major force. Not by power... not by coercion... nooooo... nothing in the conventional arsenal of men can be used against them. It is the invention of one simple item that has changed the way things have been run through the millennia... and this is... the humble BAG.

Let's face it guys. We're stronger, we're faster, we have more stamina and endurance. Our propensity for violence and force cannot be matched by women. But in truth... they hold the cards. How many of us men are not even a little afraid of our mothers, our wives, our girlfriends? I can tell you now... its easier to get into a fight with another guy then with a girl. I mean, guys are pretty straightforward. Throw a punch... break something... work it out when the testosterone is gone... then grab a beer! Simple! But with girls... OMFG. Watch out. It can start with guilt (why're you doing this, cry cry cry what did I do... yadayadayada) and move on to emotional bribery (you love me, you don't have to do that... woooo) and if all else fails, total shutdown (you're not gettin anything from me til you say sorry!). For all our vaunted physical talents... we have our shallow needs. We want to be loved by them, be nurtured by them and heck yeah we want to breed. Jeez who doesn't. But when it comes to holding out, the women have got us beat. More often than not we are the ones who give in to their wants and needs because they can deny us of the very things we crave the most. I'm sure I'm gonna get flak for this; but you know its the truth. Women have us by the balls and we can't do anything about it. Or can we?

In any fight, one must be focused at the task at hand. Concentration, dedication and will must be present at all times in order to keep the advantage. Distractions are the dearth of any strategy as it will divert mental and physical resources from the battle ahead. We've already established that when drawn into a fight of mental prowess... we men are more often than not... the losers. We must then have something that keeps them off kilter... something that removes their will to fight.

Therefore, I present our best weapon, our mighty sword and shield in the battle of wills: The Bag. Simple containers that can hold anything from lipstick to wallets to entire lives stuffed in a purse. Notice how every woman that you'll come across has one? We men have other ways to keep our personal belongings; we have pockets for one. Cars are another viable option. Dashboards are great surface areas for holding our Coke cans and random receipts. Bedroom floors are wonderful for penning in our clean shirts AND dirty laundry! How efficient!

But women have fallen into our trap with the advent of the bag. With this contraption, they are mesmerized. They are constantly rummaging through it, adding items, removing others... buying MORE bags (really... why would a man need MORE bags?), fantasizing about buying more bags... searching for the PERFECT bag... what is it with these things? Females can spend hours upon hours just fixing the contents of a bag. Its amazing in so many ways. I find no other thing that can distract them so. My own personal experience with women (mother, sister, two ex-lovers and innumerable girl friends) have shown that they are downright obsessed with it. It's insane!!! How can anyone spend so much time and effort on a container? I once spent two hours discussing the merits between a leather Fendi double strap bag and a Gucci purse with an ex! There are merits? Its a hole with a bottom! I'd throw my car keys in it and a pack of smokes then move on... oh wait I have pockets I don't need no damn bag! But really... does pink look better with alligator skin or is cowprint so much cuter? Pink! Why? Because it doesn't look like a cow? But cowprint looks so good with my blouse! *facepalm* And on it goes...

Now imagine this... if there was no such thing as the Bag... what would they turn their attention to? Suddenly there's so much more time to pick on our lack of hygiene (by their standards. A good sweat never hurt us manly men!), or our inability to gossip or keep a secret... or feigning ignorance (yeah we do that to move on to other things... oops)... or just about anything that makes us a convenient target for women! They'll be on us about so many other things! The horror! But yes... thank god for the bag!

I'm telling ya now... in war, the side that can survive the longest is the winner. Without distractions like the humble bag.... we men would lose. Anytime. Anyday. So let us honor the inventor of the Bag. I'm sure he was a husband... a son... a desperate man.

*NOTE*
Author expects to be single for a VERY long time after publishing this and is awaiting other forms of backlash.

This is a punchline that has no ending...

So one day, Dante was recounting the story of Norwegia to a friend of ours (see previous blogs for this one) and we were of course, expecting the usual reactions of disbelief and laughter after telling the tale.  But this particular friend is a bit... well... out of it at times.  So instead of taking it as it is... she replies in all seriousness: "Norwegia?  I love that place!"

*stunned silence*

Dante then tells her that its really NORWAY... but she refuses to believe it.  She refutes it with the fact that if it was Norway... why are the people called Norwegians?

*facepalm*

So following this logic... we live in the Filipino Islands.  Huzzah!

This happened waaaay back in 1995 or so.  During that time, the country was being run by President Ramos.  Now his wife, First Lady Ming Ramos, was a frequent visitor in our shop during those days.

So one day she walks into the shop with her retinue of secret service agents and support staff while we were working on a show.  Since we couldn't attend to her immediately she decided to amuse herself with some of the jewelry displayed in our shop.  Whilst this was happening, my nephew (he was around 5 or 6 years old at the time) walks in and bumps into Mrs. Ramos.  So my mom comes over and introduces them:  "Enzo, I'd like you to meet the First Lady of the Philippines... Mrs. Ramos."

My nephew looks her up and down... sizes her up... then shouts:

"TABA MO!"

And runs off.

There was a hushed silence... then suddenly everyone was a flurry of activity to hide the fact that we all heard it. Agents were whispering in their earpieces... I decided to answer the phones even tho none were ringing... and my mom was frantically pinning clothes onto mannequins for a bit.

Aaaah... youth is wasted on the young.

A classic fuckup from Omar Ermita... wahahaha!

This happened during one of our many shoots through the years.  Omar, Lisbeth, Jay and I were drinking buko juice (god knows where we got it) and then Omar suddenly exclaims: "I LOVE this stuff!  What's it called again?  Um um um... Juice of the coconut?"

Well he was kinda right there... but given that we're Pinoy and all... that's still the wrong answer.  Juice of the coconut.  Wahahaha!

A dear friend of my dear friends passed away last night... and even tho I wasn't anything more than a passing acquaintance to this person... I can see the wave of emotion and the power he wielded through his friends just by his being... gone.  But I can also see the strength and will of the man through these selfsame friends.  They won't let go quickly, or silently, or passively.  They will let the world know that their dearest friend was a man of substance, of worth and that the powers that be had better judge him favorable for he is a good man. 

I always imagined that at the point of death... you are judged.  Evidence is called on all your deeds, good and bad, and tallied together to see what you've made of your life.  Most people pass the part where they did no wrong to other people but fail miserably in the part where they did no wrong to themselves.  Many many many souls opt to take the casual route... make enough money... get a bed to sleep on and an occasional drink.  It would be a lucky lucky night if they got laid then and there.  But really... its more than that.  Everyone should (ideally) do what makes them happy, what gives them passion, challenge themselves constantly and allow themselves to express their thoughts and feelings freely for other people to admire.  Create out of nothing, all of you... for it is better than to be handed something that has already been done by someone else.

Wouldn't it be better to face God and say... I made a lot of money but I left it behind... but I also have a lifetime of full memories... some good, some bad... but all fulfilling and enriching in my life and in others.  This I can take with me even beyond death.

Of the little I know of Ricky... I have assumed that he HAS taken the harder path and has been given his greater reward:  Wonderful friends and family who will mourn his passing then remember him fondly for the rest of their days... a great life that no one can deny happened... and he did all he could do to the best of his abilities.  These are things that nothing on heaven or earth can take away.

Good job Ricky... godspeed.  I hope to meet you again someday... somewhere.

Man... sometimes you have to wonder how the human brain works.  I was with two friends today and we were talking about past loves.  One friend recounts how he once had a Norwegian girlfriend and that she was so hot and all while the other one ponders on this bit of information for awhile.  Then she asks us:  "She's Norwegian right?  So... wait... she's from... NORWEGIA?"

Norwegia.  I'm gonna have to check my map.  I'm sure its a great place.

*still laughing 3 hours later*

A tale from my late grandfather (hilarious man to the end) about an incident that occurred while he was fighting the Japanese in Bataan during World War II.

So the Japs were starving them out in Bataan and they had nowhere to go except dig in and fight. Part of the digging in process was to make latrine trenches where everyone could just go up, squat and do their thang. Well one time, while my grandfather was about to do his business... a Japanese Zero fighter comes bearing down on the shitting trench with guns blazing. At this point my grandfather said he only had two choices: Jump in the crap hole to avoid the bullets or just stand there.

Without even seconds to think about it... he chose to stand. Amazingly enough he didn't get hit and apparently the bullets just missed him by inches (he was lucky enough to have been standing on a spot that was inbetween bursts of gunfire) but the guys who jumped in the trench weren't so lucky. They jumped but still got hit.

So he gave me a moral lesson that day... either take a stand and die trying and win... or give in, jump in the shit and you just might kick the bucket anyway.

He was laughing for the rest of the day tho. Strange man.

So I think I just did one of the most evil things ever... but it was fun.

I went to an event that I helped set up and I invited some friends to come along. During the course of the evening, I found out that one of them had intimate plans for the evening and was planning to leave early. I told her that she should make things interesting at least. I mean... you do it, you go front, get flipped over... pushed on the side... etc. etc. etc. Same old routine. So time to spice things up! So I told her to do the whole shebang and when he sez he's gonna hit his high... take the time to pop him on the jaw with a right hook and shout... "DONKEY PUNCH!!!" I told her it was a surefire way that he'll never forget her. Well she said no... she's not gonna do that. So I asked as a personal favor to at least think about it and me as well when it happens. Heh.

So she leaves... and I just calculate the time it'll take before she's in the middle of it. I figure it'd be two hours... and when the time came I sent her a text with just two words: "DONKEY PUNCH!"

Shortly after I got a reply. it said: "Not gonna happen Raffy! You're ruining the moment!"

So I have achieved something most men would never have thought of doing. Some hot chick is getting some but I'm on her mind... and donkey punching.

Life is great.

Its just one of those nights... I was driving my friend Anthony home after a long night of partying. Now Anthony lives in San Francisco and he was just here for a visit... so I had to drop him off at his friend's place where he was staying. Problem is... he doesn't have a clear idea where he's staying... so I had to turn to my friends Dante and Rej for help. Dante was in front and his role was to navigate me through while Rej would provide backup. This would have been a perfect setup except... Dante couldn't talk because he lost his voice... Rej couldn't recognize any of the landmarks and I wasn't wearing my glasses.

Basically, this was a road trip with a blind driver, a mute navigator, clueless backup and someone who doesn't know how to get home. *facepalm*

We found our way eventually... but that was strange to say the least.

So... today I was overseeing the demolition of our old furnace. Now this is a tough mother... quarter of a foot thick poured concrete over a steel bar lattice frame and was built to withstand hours and hours of extreme heat. So yeah its pretty sturdy. But now it has to go...

As the workers were smacking the chimney down with sledgehammers, a piece of concrete the size of my fist flies out... bounces off the gutter... arcs gracefully across the driveway and smacks me right in the jewels while I was standing 20 fucking feet away. WHAT THE HELL?!? I tell ya... if cement had a life of its own... I can already tell you its pretty fucking evil. *cry*

God I'm sore.

Back when I was younger I had my first taste of paradise. I went to this secluded island resort in Guimaras. There was a private beach in a tiny little cove and clear blue water as far as the eye can see... no one else was around except for the trade winds and a hammock under the trees. It was great... course it would've been better if my companion hadn't been my BROTHER... but anyway...

So on a clear blue sunny day... not a cloud in sight... we decided to take advantage of the fabulous coral reef off shore and go snorkeling. Now this is the first time in my life that I've done this... so my brother taught me how to use the snorkel and the mask. It was a quickie lesson so lets just say I didn't get it all right. So there I was paddling away in the middle of the ocean... staring at all the vibrant wildlife when suddenly my snorkel comes loose and the hose falls into the water. So there I was sucking fluid, thrashing about in 3 feet of water and trying to stand but I couldn't since the seafloor was covered in sharp and very painful looking corals. I was trying to signal to my brother that I was drowning and he finally saw that I was flailing about. So he stands up on a clear patch and shouts at me:

"STOP KICKING AROUND YOU'RE SCARING AWAY ALL THE FISH!"

THEN he swims away... cleary disgusted at my amateurish attempts of survival. Somehow I get the snorkel back up and made it to shore with about half a gallon of water in me but hey I'm still alive...

Oh yeah my brother is a certified genius. Graduated top of his batch in Yale. Graduated with honors in Law from Harvard. But for the life of me he can't see if his brother is drowning or not.

/applause

I was stuck in Boracay for a good two weeks in 2005 for a male modeling contest and we didn't have much to do except while away the days soaking up the sun and drinking til we couldn't remember our social security numbers (oh wait I can't even do that when I'm sober) but yeah... anyhoo.

One night I was hanging out in a bar with a couple of gay friends and the models; getting wasted and whatnot was the order of the evening.  As time goes by I realize that some of the fags have left for god knows where and thought nothing more of it until they came back an hour later.  I was like... where the hell have you guys been?  And they said: "Oh we just took a walk on the beach and it was great!"  In reply I bent over, wiped the bora sand off their kneecaps and said "So why do you have sand on your knees?"

Hmmm.

My life is strange. I've come to accept that in many ways. It can be a blessing and a curse but one thing's for sure... boredom never factors into it. I've been told to put my experiences down in writing for posterity's sake so... when I die they will forever remain. Well here goes... a strange story of stupidity for those who have never heard it before.

I was in Bacolod not too long ago attending some college teacher's party (another story for another day) and for some reason or other I ended up in a local zoo. While I was walking around I came across this group of kids being led around by a zoo keeper and he was explaining to them what each animal was and so on and so forth. Well at one particular stop he asked them: "Children... do you know what animal this is?" And they ask... "What?"

"Its a DARE."
"A WHAT?"
"A DARE! It's a PLANT-EATING MAMMARY!"

*facepalm*

I would've thrown my shoes at him except I needed them for the whole trip. I swear to god... the things we come across sometimes...